Parenting YOUR Parents?

Parenting YOUR Parents?

There seems to be a turning point when you and your parents reach a certain age. Kind of like a shift of sorts. You become an adult and can only hope that its at this point your parents respect you as such and stop looking at you as a child.

I haven’t lived under my parents roof in many many years. I’m 34 now, and moved out when I was 24. Ten years of moving up and down the East Coast with T.J. and pretty much living independently as a grown woman and most recently a mother.

So, its at this point that, I would hope, my parents would respect certain boundaries?

Well, over Easter week we had a major falling out over boundaries being crossed.

If you follow my blog, you’ll know that we have had some pretty major issues with the neighbors around this development. Total abnormal neighbor encounters.

T.J. had travelled to Toronto the week before Easter and my parents had plans on coming to New York to stay and help out while he was away. And, celebrate Easter with us.

G was napping so I took Rhody downstairs and out onto the patio to greet them. We have a guest room on the lower level of this townhouse and guests can enter and exit as they please which has been great.

No sooner I get outside I can overhear my parents talking to a neighbor. This struck me as kind of odd since after what has happened here we keep to ourselves. But, whatever maybe it was a friendly hello or something. But then I overhear this neighbor, who T.J. and I have NEVER spoken to asking, “where in Connecticut?” That is when my protective instinct went into overdrive.

I yelled out over the hedges, “hey, why are we telling strangers my business?” Yea, my parents were telling this random person that we had bought a home and were moving to Connecticut. Are you kidding me…my heart was racing and my blood was boiling. I went upstairs with Rhody and burst into tears. I was so upset that after everything that has happened here and how we have been so protective of our privacy they could so easily share our personal information with strange neighbors. The gossip chain here is worse than high school. I mean, we haven’t even told our landlord of our plans and didn’t have any intentions of doing so for a while.

I mean, didn’t they think it was odd that a random person would come up to them and start asking them questions? I really don’t know what they were thinking. I know that we are all very excited to be moving into a home, but I don’t think its their information to share. We are under the watchful eye of everyone in this community…I don’t know why, and its almost like having several stalkers. I can’t even keep my kitchen blinds open for fear that the man living across from us is staring into our window. Which, we have caught him doing several times. What a way to live.

This isn’t the first time they have “let the cat out of the bag” with information we didn’t want shared. So, I am starting to really believe I have to be selective with the information I share with them. And, that is horrible. They are my parents for G-D sake.

My dad was so upset by my reaction he just wanted to leave and go back to Rhode Island and my mom somehow convinced him, after several hours, to stay. I don’t understand why he was so upset, at me, after being the person to cause such an upheaval. I feel like as a mother I have every right to be upset since I have a natural instinct to protect my family. It was almost as if they were like, “don’t you dare tell me what to say or do, I’m the parent.”

So, my suggestion was that we just move on. There was nothing we could do to change what has happened and it can’t be undone. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the rest of the week and put it behind us. I would be the one to live here with the consequences of their actions, not them. More eyes on us, and people watching our every move. Whatever…

Oh, and I hadn’t planned on telling T.J. about this until he came home and they left. They were due to leave on Monday, T.J. was due home Saturday evening.

Well, Saturday comes. We all head out to Muscoot Farm for the morning. We get back home and as we sit down for lunch I ask my parents if they still want to go to the diner for dinner. A strange look comes over both of them and my mom starts tearing up. My dad announces that they plan on leaving?!?!?!?! Leaving? Um, Easter is tomorrow, T.J.’s not home yet, and we just went to the store yesterday and bought a ton of food to cook for Easter.

So, this truly came out of left field. My blood boiled, but I kept my composure. I wanted to finish up lunch and get G ready for her nap. She had started with a runny nose that morning so I wanted to make sure she got her rest.

*Side-note :: my mother came her with a horrible cough that she had been battling for over a month. Who comes to visit a pregnant mom and a toddler when they are sick? Totally disrespectful in my opinion and G and I have been sick, me more with a cough, everyday since Easter. Not nice.

They left! I was in such disbelief I didn’t even know what to do with myself. Just when I thought we had moved on from what happened on Thursday they pull this? Now when G woke up from her nap I had to explain why Grandma and Papa weren’t here. Nice.

Oh, and T.J., he was traveling for most of the day. I wasn’t able to pick him up from the train station that night either since G was in bed and my parents had left. He had to get a cab.

Obviously T.J. and I had a lot to talk about when he got home since he was expecting my parents to still be here.

What a mess. Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to them since except my mom shooting me an email here and there. I am so disappointed. And, with a move in a few weeks and a baby on the way this isn’t the kind of stress I want to deal with right now. This is an exciting time.

Have you gotten to a point where you feel like you are parenting your parents?

 

 

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About Candice

Candice is a mom of three under 5. Originally from the smallest state of Rhode Island, now living in Connecticut. From working gal to stay-at-home mom, she is walking the path of the Modern Mom.

Comments

  1. Hugs…. this sounds way too familiar

  2. What I have found is that no matter how right one is, people get very defensive when someone gets angry and blows up at them. I have it with my kids especially one who is allergic to any criticism.It’s so important to have open relationships with our family members and many of them are not interested in open communication. I have found that the more we are able to give in , say we are wrong even though we are not, the happier the other people are and the more stable are our relationships. Even though your parents invaded your privacy, they may not have realized they were doing so.My older children are much more private than I am and there have been times where I have said things they didn’t want me to. When they explained it to me in a very nice way I was very sorry and apologized. Relationships are very difficult especially with our parents that often push the wrong buttons but, the more we work at them, the better off we will all be.
    Of course, there are always those parents that are just interested in being right as opposed to having a warm relationship and with them we will never win.

  3. I’m sorry it went like that! I dread when the roles fully reverse..it already is happening at times.

  4. Wow, I am so sorry you are dealing with this!

    I agree that it’s unnecessary stress that you do not need right now, especially given that you are pregnant and in the process of moving. I’m starting to think that some people lose common courtesy as they get older. I know my grandmother would tell anyone that was willing to listen all of our family’s stuff, no matter how secretive we wanted it to stay!

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